resources
FOR PARENTS AND TEACHERS
books that enhance empathy, communication skills, and other social skills for young children;
Communication, by Aliki
Feelings, by Aliki
Don't Feed the Monster on Tuesday, by Adolph Moser
Don't Rant and Rave on Wednesday, by Adolph Moser
There are 5 other books by Moser in this series, which are all excellent.
FOR ADULTS:
The following books provide scientific evidence that improving the quality of interpersonal relationships benefits overall health and happiness:
Love and Survival by Dean Ornish. 1998, Harper Collins
Forgive for Good by Fred Luskin. 2002, HarperSanFrancisco
(Dr. Luskin has given me his permission to list the following 9 steps from his book)
Dr. Fred Luskin’s 9 steps to Forgiveness
1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK. Then, tell a trusted couple of people about your experience.
2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else.
3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that upset you, or condoning of their action. What you are after is to find peace. Forgiveness can be defined as the "peace and understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story."
4. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes – or ten years –ago.
5. At the moment you feel upset practice a simple stress management technique to soothe your body’s flight or fight response.
6. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you. Recognize the "unenforceable rules" you have for your health or how you or other people must behave. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, friendship and prosperity and work hard to get them.
7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt you. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt seek out new ways to get what you want.
8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you.
9. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive.
For more information about Dr. Luskin’s work, see his website, www.learningtoforgive.com
*****************************************************These books look at the importance of a child's social life in his/her overall development:
Best Friends, Worst Enemies by Michael Thompson. 2001, Ballantine
Real Boys by William Pollack. 1998, Random House
Raising Cain by Dan Kindlon & Michael Thompson. 2000, Ballantine
Peace Table activities promote the developmental assets identified by the Search Institute. See www.search-institute.org for more information on the developmental assets:
40 Developmental Assets® for Middle Childhood
Search Institute® has identified the following building blocks of healthy development—known as Developmental Assets®—that help young people grow up healthy, caring, and responsible.
External Assets
1. Family support—Family life provides high levels of love and support.
2. Positive family communication—Parent(s) and child communicate positively. Child feels comfortable seeking advice and counsel from parent(s).
3. Other adult relationships—Child receives support from adults other than her or his parent(s).
4. Caring neighborhood—Child experiences caring neighbors.
5. Caring school climate—Relationships with teachers and peers provide a caring, encouraging environment.
6. Parent involvement in schooling—Parent(s) are actively involved in helping the child succeed in school.
7. Community values youth—Child feels valued and appreciated by adults in the community.
8. Children as resources—Child is included in decisions at home and in the community.
9. Service to others—Child has opportunities to help others in the community.
10. Safety—Child feels safe at home, at school, and in his or her neighborhood.
11. Family boundaries—Family has clear and consistent rules and consequences and monitors the child’s whereabouts.
12. School Boundaries—School provides clear rules and consequences.
13. Neighborhood boundaries—Neighbors take responsibility for monitoring the child’s behavior.
14. Adult role models—Parent(s) and other adults in the child’s family, as well as nonfamily adults, model positive, responsible behavior.
15. Positive peer influence—Child’s closest friends model positive, responsible behavior.
16. High expectations—Parent(s) and teachers expect the child to do her or his best at school and in other activities.
17. Creative activities—Child participates in music, art, drama, or creative writing two or more times per week.
18. Child programs—Child participates two or more times per week in cocurricular school activities or structured community programs for children..
19. Religious community—Child attends religious programs or services one or more times per week.
20. Time at home—Child spends some time most days both in high-quality interaction with parents and doing things at home other than watching TV or playing video games.
Internal Assets
21. Achievement Motivation—Child is motivated and strives to do well in school.
22. Learning Engagement—Child is responsive, attentive, and actively engaged in learning at school and enjoys participating in learning activities outside of school. 23. Homework—Child usually hands in homework on time.
24. Bonding to school—Child cares about teachers and other adults at school.
25. Reading for Pleasure—Child enjoys and engages in reading for fun most days of the week.
26. Caring—Parent(s) tell the child it is important to help other people.
27. Equality and social justice—Parent(s) tell the child it is important to speak up for equal rights for all people.
28. Integrity—Parent(s) tell the child it is important to stand up for one’s beliefs.
29. Honesty—Parent(s) tell the child it is important to tell the truth.
30. Responsibility—Parent(s) tell the child it is important to accept personal responsibility for behavior.
31. Healthy Lifestyle—Parent(s) tell the child it is important to have good health habits and an understanding of healthy sexuality.
32. Planning and decision making—Child thinks about decisions and is usually happy with results of her or his decisions.
33. Interpersonal Competence—Child cares about and is affected by other people’s feelings, enjoys making friends, and, when frustrated or angry, tries to calm her- or himself.
34. Cultural Competence—Child knows and is comfortable with people of different racial, ethnic, and cultural backgrounds and with her or his own cultural identity.
35. Resistance skills—Child can stay away from people who are likely to get her or him in trouble and is able to say no to doing wrong or dangerous things.
36. Peaceful conflict resolution—Child seeks to resolve conflict nonviolently.
37. Personal power—Child feels he or she has some influence over things that happen in her or his life.
38. Self-esteem—Child likes and is proud to be the person that he or she is.
39. Sense of purpose—Child sometimes thinks about what life means and whether there is a purpose for her or his life.
40. Positive view of personal future—Child is optimistic about her or his personal future.
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